Nostalgia for Your Smaller Body: Why Missing It Is Normal, But Not the Whole Story

Something I hear often from clients who are further along in recovery is that they start to feel a sense of nostalgia for their smaller body. It's a confusing and unsettling experience. After all, they’ve put in the work to heal, so why would they feel drawn to that past version of themselves - a body that was malnourished and hurting?

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people in recovery from an eating disorder find themselves missing their old body at some point.

Missing Your Malnourished Body: It’s Normal, But…

It’s completely normal to miss your smaller body after recovery. We often idealise the past, forgetting the full picture. Maybe you look back at photos and see someone who was thinner, smaller, more “in control” (or so it seemed). But here’s the thing: what you’re really missing isn’t the size of your body - it’s the sense of safety, comfort or validity that the eating disorder promised you.

The truth is, that smaller body came with a lot of baggage. It wasn’t just about being thinner - it was about being exhausted, isolated, and consumed by thoughts about food and your body 24/7. You were probably running on empty, both physically and emotionally. Yet, in recovery, it’s easy to forget all the pain that came with being smaller and to only remember the parts that seem appealing.

The Highlight Reel vs. Reality

Our brains have this funny way of editing memories. We create a highlight reel of our past, conveniently leaving out the hard stuff. When you think about your smaller body, you might remember feeling accomplished or admired, but are you also remembering how you couldn’t concentrate on anything besides food, how your energy levels were non-existent, and how disconnected you felt from the people around you?

In recovery, you’re rebuilding your life in a way that’s healthier and more sustainable, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. There are days when the pull of the past can feel strong. On those days, it’s important to remind yourself of the reality of that time. Yes, you were smaller, but you were also suffering.

Finding Compassion for Your Present Self

So, how do you navigate this nostalgia? Start by acknowledging it without judgment. It’s okay to miss your smaller body, but recognise that this longing is often rooted in the false promises of your eating disorder. Your body today, though different, is healthier, stronger, and more capable of living a full life.

When those feelings of nostalgia creep in, try to shift your focus to the positives of your recovery. Maybe it’s the fact that you can enjoy meals with friends without obsessing over calories, or that you finally have the energy to pursue hobbies and passions that your eating disorder took away from you. Celebrate these wins, no matter how small they may seem.

Moving Forward with Grace

Recovery isn’t linear, and it’s okay to have moments where you miss your old body. But remember, that smaller body wasn’t all it seemed. It came with a lot of pain, isolation, and exhaustion. The body you have now is one that allows you to truly live - without the constant obsession over food and size.

So, when nostalgia hits, let it remind you of how far you’ve come, not how far you think you need to go back. Your present self deserves as much love and compassion as you once reserved for that smaller version of you.